My first semester at the University of Toronto was quite rough. I had just come off a 3 month summer break after high school graduation where I did anything but academics. I travelled with family and friends, hung out with my cousins, and worked on my health by going to the gym regularly. Life was great. Then I suddenly got slammed into a dorm room in a different country with a new set of responsibilities and academic requirements. I was not ready for the struggles I would inevitably face in the next few months.
I felt so alone. Having a fantastic girlfriend (I love her with all my heart) does help to some extent, but long distance can get tough and time zones don't make it any easier. My days were repetitive. I'd go to class and come back to my room to do work or watch YouTube. Life was dull for a while, causing a deterioration of my mental state. I can vividly remember the times when I'd lie down in bed and stare up at the ceiling, asking myself what I was doing here and when this would end. Music greatly helped me through tough times. Songs like "drunk text" by Henry Moodie and "24/7, 365" by Elijah Woods are two of the songs I listened to the most when I felt down (give them a shot).
I was homesick. I missed the warm temperatures of Bangkok, the cheap food, the kindness and smiles of everyone I talked to, and being able to speak my native language and have everyone understand what I had said. I missed the beach, the calm sounds of the waves crashing into the shore. I missed my friends. I didn't fit in too well with my close group of friends at first due to differences in personalities. I missed my parents too. I always had them take care of me and would help with any issues I had. Their comforting presence was no more as we were on opposite sides of the globe.
I love my friends here. I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends to spend my university years with. However, the first month or two was pretty rough and I'm sure every one of us could understand to some extent. Our personalities were so different and we had different interests and hobbies. None of them enjoyed my hobbies and sometimes we wouldn't laugh at the same jokes. As time went on, our true selves started showing which allowed us to bond better. Now, I truly appreciate their maturity as well as their care and love towards me and everyone else in the group.
I'm doing fine academically, much better than I had expected. I guess hard work does pay off, but I had to sacrifice so much in the process. Typical university-life activities like clubbing and going to bars were non-existent in my first semester. I pushed myself way too hard, and I was suffering the consequences. My mental health spiralled down into the pits, but at least my grades were good (was it really worth it?).
There were many (so so many) late nights when I forced myself awake to complete homework assignments or projects. The library became my new home for a while. There's one turkey-shaped library on campus that's open 24 hours on weekdays, so I'd take advantage of that if I was behind on work. The stress of midterms and exams was intense as I had no experience with university-level tests. I'd feel like vomiting as I stood by the door to the exam hall.
As I'm finishing up my second semester, I am doing very fine. I'm happy. I've got a great friend group and my academics remain above my expectations. If I could go back in time and tell my first-semester self something, I would tell him to take it easy. Your courses are tough, but that doesn't mean you must sacrifice your happiness for that extra 2% on your assignment. You'll get used to it and you'll find ways to work more effectively within the university system. Take it easy.
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